Absurdity: Jesus to Kick Ass, in Action Figure Form

I stumbled upon this story and my thoughts immediately turned to how perfect these toys would be for little Rod and Todd Flanders. You know what would make this even more educational? If you could squeeze his hand to make him spout bible verses or something.

He could say things like "An eye for an eye" or "God hates fags!".. something to that effect. Maybe throw in a suggestive phrase or two, on important topics like abortion, capital punishment, or even the 'War on Terror'. You know, to start them on the 'right' path early. But you may have some trouble tracking these toys down at your local Wal-Mart.

Only about one-sixth of stores will carry the toys.

I have a hunch which states these might be in.. I'll give you a hint. They're probably the red ones.

The company targets parents who would rather their children play with the faith-based toys rather toys rather than other super hero action figures, the report said.

Well, it's about time kids were taught who the real "superheros" are in this world. Sure, the Transformers are great and all, but can do they have the ability to turn water into wine?? Let's see Spider-man pull off miracles like that. Yeah, that's what I thought. Those "super hero toys" are more like dolls compared to the mighty Jesus action figure. Thanks to Wal-Mart, we can praise the lord, and everyday low prices!

Maybe this will help bring back the kick-ass faith-based video game movement. Be on the lookout for religious gems like these that graced the NES and SNES..

Insane Child-Drowner Gets Off Scott Free

http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_4095332

So I haven't been following this story, but from the few news articles and wikipedia entry, I have pieced together the following:

Religious Fanatacism = Insanity = Child-like Slap on the Wrist For Murder

Here's my idea of what should have happened to Andrea Yates. The court agrees she's loonier than a fruit loop. She's convicted of the murders of her 5 (count 'em five) children. She gets sent to a prison with crazies just like her. Hey, maybe she can find a cult that suits her much easier. Then they all mass suicide and save the tax payers some $$.

Electricity Transformers Failing All Over CA

http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_4095332

With this summer's record breaking heat wave in full effect, many of California's electric companys' transformers have been failing, causing power outages,l some for days on end. Many contribute this to Los Angeles' 80-year old public utility devices, which were never designed to sustain power levels to meet our overpopulated cities. Maybe now's a good time to fix these.. but chances are, these changes will occur just in time to miss the high temperature summer.

310 Area Code Overlap

http://www.latimes.com/la-me-areacode26jul26,0,7200568.story?coll=la-story-footer

Instead of doing this, why couldn't they just give one group a new area code assignment. It's happened before (had to change from 213 to 310). This is just annoying!

Killer Chooses Electric Chair Over Needle

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/07/12/electric.chair.ap/index.html?section=cnn_latest

I suppose if the painkiller did wear off, then the injection might be painful in some sense. But, c'mon, it's has to be more comfortable than 2,000 volts of energy flowing through you. I guess that's why we're a democracy. We always have a choice.. even in state-mandated death.

White House Staff Salaries

http://nationaljournal.com/about/njweekly/stories/2006/0711nj1.htm

It's truly amazing the cost of things today. Like $30,000 a year for an aide to keep track of gifts (coincidentally the same as the starting of a school teacher). But I guess someone's gotta help kep this administration running. I wonder how much the chef for the First dog gets paid (trust me, George W. has a dog, and his name is Barney).

The Format

No real format here actually. Just thought it'd be nice to have a place where I can post just a handful of the completely absurd stories found everyday on the web. If it's truly something I can rant about, I will. Otherwise, this will mainly be short links followed by short blurbs of personal thought.

Hope you enjoy the absurdity of it all as much as I do.